By Dr. Schola Matovu | Host & Founder, The Grand Experience Podcast
The Caregivers We Don’t See, But Need Most
A grandmother unexpectedly loses her daughter and finds herself raising a five-year-old grandson.
A grandfather nearing retirement opens his door to children who need stability after a family crisis.
A grandmother quietly navigates school meetings, healthcare systems, legal paperwork, and behavioral challenges, all while managing her own chronic health conditions.
These stories are often happening in silence.
And according to researcher Dr. Patricia Lawrence, that silence may be one of the greatest challenges facing grandparent caregivers today.
In a recent conversation on The Grand Experience, Dr. Lawrence described grandparent caregivers as a largely hidden population. They step in during moments of crisis, trauma, instability, and profound family transition. Yet despite the essential role they play, many remain invisible to healthcare systems, policymakers, and even their own communities.
What struck me most was not simply the challenges these grandparents face.
It was the extraordinary assumption that they will somehow manage it all alone.
The Grandparents We Don’t See
One story Dr. Lawrence shared has stayed with me.
She recalled meeting a grandmother who had unexpectedly become the full-time caregiver for her five-year-old grandson after the death of her daughter.
Imagine carrying the grief of losing your child while simultaneously becoming a parent again.
Yet what this grandmother said was remarkably simple:
“He’s good for me, and I’m good for him.”
Those words capture something researchers sometimes struggle to measure.
Grandparent caregiving is not merely a burden.
It is often a deeply reciprocal relationship.
Grandparents provide stability, safety, wisdom, and unconditional love. Grandchildren provide purpose, connection, and meaning.
This reality challenges how society often talks about caregiving. Too frequently we focus exclusively on stress and hardship. Those challenges are real, but they are not the entire story.
The Misconceptions We Need to Challenge
One of the most powerful insights from our conversation centered on a persistent misconception.
Many people assume that if an adult child struggles with substance use, mental illness, incarceration, or other challenges, then the grandparents somehow failed as parents.
Dr. Lawrence was clear.
That narrative is unfair, simplistic, and unsupported by evidence.
The grandparents she studies are often stepping into extraordinarily complex situations shaped by economic forces, public health crises, trauma, grief, and social conditions that extend far beyond individual parenting decisions.
Yet despite these challenges, many provide remarkable consistency for vulnerable children.
Instead of asking, “What did these grandparents do wrong?”
Perhaps we should ask:
“What would happen to these children if these grandparents had not stepped in?”
Grandparent Caregiving Is Not Limited to Poverty
Another misconception Dr. Lawrence challenged is the belief that grandparent caregiving only occurs among low-income families.
The reality is much more complex.
Grandparents raising grandchildren exist in every socioeconomic group, every racial background, every geographic region, and every cultural community.
What often differs is not whether caregiving occurs.
What differs is access to resources.
Some families have legal assistance, stable housing, transportation, healthcare access, and financial support.
Others do not.
Understanding this distinction is critical because it shifts the conversation from blaming families to strengthening supports.
A System Built for Parents, Not Grandparents
Healthcare systems. School systems. Legal systems.
Most were never designed with grandparent caregivers in mind.
Dr. Lawrence described how even highly educated caregivers can struggle to navigate complicated systems. For older adults who may be managing chronic illness, limited mobility, hearing loss, or financial strain, those challenges become even greater.
Yet grandparents continue showing up.
They attend appointments.
Advocate at schools.
Pursue services.
Complete paperwork.
Fight for resources.
All while managing the realities of aging themselves.
The Strengths We Often Overlook
As researchers, we have spent years documenting burden, stress, depression, and caregiving challenges.
Those findings matter.
But Dr. Lawrence reminded us that another story exists as well.
It is a story of resilience.
A story of adaptation.
A story of commitment.
Her research found that many caregiving grandparents demonstrate remarkably high levels of resilience, even before participating in supportive interventions.
Why?
We do not yet fully understand.
But perhaps resilience grows from years of overcoming challenges, nurturing families, and repeatedly choosing responsibility when life becomes difficult.
Whatever its source, resilience deserves as much attention as struggle.
What Happens When We Invest in Grandparents?
Perhaps the most hopeful finding from Dr. Lawrence’s work comes from Project Healthy Grandparents.
Participants often report benefits that persist not for months, but for years.
Some grandparents continue using lessons learned five and even ten years later.
Others go on to support additional grandchildren.
Some create support groups within their churches and communities.
Support does not simply strengthen one caregiver.
It creates ripple effects that strengthen families and communities.
What Research Is Teaching Us
If there is one lesson I took away from this conversation, it is this:
Grandparent caregiving is not a private family issue.
It is a public health issue.
An aging issue.
A child welfare issue.
A community issue.
And every time we support a grandparent caregiver, we are simultaneously supporting a child, strengthening a family, and investing in the future of a community.
The grandparents raising grandchildren among us are doing far more than stepping in during a crisis.
They are creating stability where instability once existed.
And it is time we started seeing them.
If this conversation resonated with you, I invite you to listen to my full interview with Dr. Patricia Lawrence on The Grand Experience and join us in bringing visibility to grandparent and kinship caregivers everywhere.